The Leader's Chaos Survival Handbook
Whether we are being called to lead in our homes, communities, relationships or in our work, being a leader when you are faced with unexpected and unprecedented chaos is not only difficult, it can feel like a set up for failure. That’s because we’ve confused leadership with perfection. We believe that in order to lead we must put on our capes, have all the answers, make the best decisions and never, I repeat never, let them see you sweat. That’s BS. It’s also another way of removing our humanity from our work. Leaders are feeling the same anxiety, uncertainty, pressure, fear, sadness and grief as the rest of us while being asked to stand up tall enough to carry the weight of others’ experiences too. It is a lot and it’s ok to be overwhelmed and maybe even angry about it. I say it’s OK because if you deny that anger, overwhelm or frustration – it doesn’t just magically dissipate – it comes out in other ways and in the end it makes you a less impactful leader, when people need you the most. It starts with facing those feelings and then turning your heroism inward to take care of yourself.
So how should you leaders take care of yourselves right now so that you can really step up and take care of others? Here are some important practices that will create the right environment for your own self-preservation, transformation and inspiration:
Put Up Some Boundaries - We are all familiar with the idea that we need to unplug in order to remain sane (I hope). But putting up boundaries is about far more than unplugging from the endless stream of news coming at you. (Before I go any further, I hope everyone reading this has instituted a practice of unplugging from the news. We need breaks from this constant flood in order to reconnect and get present with our own experience and reality instead of living in the panic of what others are experiencing or sharing). All of that said, putting up proper boundaries as a leader also means you know when you are out of fuel and you create some space between yourself and the people that need something from you. Whether that’s your morning jog, evening Netflix binge, a walk outside, reading a book you ENJOY or just sitting outside with a cup of coffee – make sure you honor that break and that you teach others to honor it as well. This means you don’t DO during this time; you’re not responding to emails; you’re not making decisions – you are just left alone to be you without the pressure. The only way you can get others to respect that boundary is by respecting it yourself. Don’t tell people it’s your time of day to take that break and then confuse them by engaging with them either through email, phone or in person. Respect the space you’re giving yourself.
Be Vulnerable – The first step to authentic vulnerability is to know how you’re actually feeling. If you haven’t taken the time to check in with yourself – please do. Are you afraid? Confused? Anxious? Or are you excited about the future? Strangely Zen? Full of hope? Either way – it’s great to know and to check in often and continue to be curious about how you’re feeling. Then, simply tell people WHAT you feel. This is what makes you relatable as a leader and relatability creates trust. People need to trust you, now more than ever. Just remember this – there is a fine line between vulnerability and vomiting your internal narrative onto others. Vulnerability is about sharing what you feel in the moment and then asking others what their experience is. It is not about using others as your free therapy and unloading your anxiety – leaving them feeling worse than when they came into conversation with you.
Channel the Inspiration – So how do you balance being vulnerable with being an inspiration to others? It’s by remembering that the sun always comes up after a storm. It’s just a simple and powerful truth that remains a constant reminder that it is always, somehow, OK again. This is called having faith (RIP George Michael). This is one of the hardest things to do during a crisis – to see the other end of it – to feel the truth of it all being OK. And, this I would argue, is the single most powerful act of leadership. We need leaders to show us the way out, to remind us there will be a dawn after this long night. So how do you as a leader channel that sense of faith? Do a quick mental exercise with me: think about the last time you were terrified about something that was coming, an outcome that was imminent. Think about all the thoughts and fears that came with that waiting. How did that feel in your mind and in your body? How did it impact your day to day? Now fast-forward to how it played out. Was it exactly as you expected? Even if there was hardship, did it eventually lead to something better? I’m willing to bet that it did – even if it took a very long time. That’s your evidence right there. Faith is about knowing that however the road winds and dips, that it’s taking us to a better place. Thinking back on your life and how you thought and felt before important events or changes and fast-forwarding to their outcome should give you a deep sense of knowingness. That is where your future self is now – on the other end of this. Bring that knowingness forward and inspire your people to see the light at the end of the tunnel – even if it’s only in their mind’s eye for now.
Experience Fun and Be Thankful for It – It’s OK to have fun when the world is in pain. It doesn’t make you a bad leader or a bad person. In fact, diving into that sense of joy is your way of appreciating all the good times life is offering you – even during such a hard time. It is this gratitude that will bring about even more uplifting and positive energy around you. The more gratitude you show, the more you are uplifted and the more uplifted you are the more you can reach down and lift others to your frequency. This too is a critical part of leadership – living by example – showing others how to pick their heads up, see the good, be thankful and in turn invite even more good things into their lives.
I am willing to bet that as a collective, you leaders have volumes of advice to add to this very short self-care manual. I hope you will share them here and that we will continue to support and uplift one another as we navigate this new territory together.